Getting fixed.

bottom_gifYou are probably expecting this page to be about treatments and procedures that can be done to remedy pelvic organ prolapses. That is not what I am going to write about. Information about the best procedures for prolapses can be found by talking to doctors, consultants, nurses and physiotherapists.

Instead I am going to write about the thing that most improved my quality of life during the year that I dealt with my rectal prolapse:

I became comfortable with my body.

 

I kept my rectal prolapse secret for 4 years because I was ashamed of it; I was too scared to tell anyone because I thought it was weird. This was incredibly painful, contributed to an anxiety problem, and probably had negative effects on all of my relationships. 

Having a rectal prolapse at the age of 25 with no history of injury, without having had any children, and without being particularly bendy (i.e. a collagen deficiency) is quite rare. I felt lonely, scared, confused, and I hated my body for quite a long time. I used to go to the toilet and have rage attacks; I felt like shouting at my rectum for being such a huge pain in the arse (literally!).

But then I started to realise that though it was a big pain in the arse it was my big pain in the arse and it was the only arse that I had. My prolapse was part of me and if I was going to get rid of it then my rectum and I were going to have to work together as a team. I had to accept it’s issues, learn to live with the fact that it had disobeyed me and try my best to win it back onto my side.

A few months after first telling someone about my prolapse I started telling everyone. Well not everyone, but a lot of people. I made a special point of telling people that I thought it would make squirm because those were the people that had contributed to my fear. I felt like shouting to the world ‘MY BOTTOM COMES OUT WHEN I GO TO THE TOILET!!!” because though it is rare it is not unique. These things happen to people all the time and I was still beautiful even with my prolapse.

A few months later I have had my surgery and though I am still struggling with some obstructed defecation I am happy, smiley, and the most care-free that I have ever been.

I am  comfortable with my body and all of its dysfunctions.  I can listen to my body when it tells me that it needs my attention and I can work with it to get through any issues. I may never go to the toilet with complete ease but that is OK because I can still go to the toilet. That’s all I need for now.

Self-acceptance has been the key to my recovery.

I hope that this website inspires others to find the same.

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